Detection models running in adversarial environments face a malicious distribution that drifts rapidly while the benign distribution stays comparatively stable, so teams retrain and redeploy constantly to stay ahead of new threats. Retraining tends to change the output prediction scores, which breaks downstream users of the model. For these security-oriented models we need consistent false-positive rate (FPR) across all output values, whereas standard probability-calibration methods target class probability rather than an FPR contract. We introduce a method built on top of existing calibration primitives that targets the whole FPR curve, giving scores a consistent FPR meaning across deployments. On one held-out split, the observed relative FPR error was at most 2.3% from 10% down to 0.1% FPR and 7.2% at 0.01% FPR. The shipped artifact remains under 200 KB in measurements across calibration sets from 1K to 10M benign samples.
The European Patent Office (EPO) reported record filings in 2025, and the 2026 EPO Guidelines hold applicants strictly responsible for LLM-assisted content under Article 83 and Rule 42, creating pressure to triage suspected AI-generated patent text. Two constraints make this hard. First, realistic prosecution settings often have only consumer GPUs with about 8 GB VRAM, not datacenter-class scoring stacks. Second, Article 84 of the European Patent Convention requires claims to be clear and concise, pushing human drafting onto the same low-perplexity, low-burstiness manifold that LLMs occupy. We benchmark three open-source zero-shot detectors on 500 granted EPO H04 telecom patents versus 500 LLM-generated counterparts using five prompting strategies, all under the consumer hardware envelope. At claim level, all detectors exceed 60 percent false-positive rate: Binoculars 78.3 percent, Fast-DetectGPT 61.3 percent, DetectGPT 80.5 percent. The failure persists under Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct regeneration, LoRA-adapted Pythia-2.8B scoring heads, cross-IPC replication on A61K, C07D, and F03D (mean FPR 84.6 percent), and H100 re-evaluation with published Falcon-7B and GPT-J-6B heads, arguing the issue is structural rather than substitute-model capacity. A seven-feature linguistic-complexity logistic regression reaches 74.0 percent accuracy at 28.1 percent FPR, a 13 percentage-point gain over a perplexity-only baseline at a comparable operating point, without using likelihood at inference and within the same hardware budget.